Monday, June 20, 2011

Father's Day

This was supposed to be Jack's first Father's Day with a baby on the way.  It sadly didn't turn out that way.  Saying this upsets me is a complete understatement.  It kills me that his first Father's Day was over shadowed by the loss of our first child.  Yesterday I kept having to hold back tears thinking of Jack and the wonderful dad that he IS to Jonathan and Tank and the wonderful dad that he will be to our future children as well.  He didn't deserve to have Jonathan taken away so soon.  I remember on May 26th, when we were in the exam room and the ultrasound tech said "It's a Boy!" Jack said "YESSS!!!" pretty loud and jumped up and gave me a kiss.  He obviously would have been excited with a boy or a girl, we just wanted a healthy baby, but I know hearing "boy" made him so proud.  There is just something about a Dad and his son.  Thinking about Jack and Jonathan and Tank makes my heart smile.

Tomorrow will be two weeks since Jonathan went to Heaven.  I can't believe how fast the time is passing by.  I should be 23 weeks.  I don't know if I am going to stop thinking about what week I should be.  Is it normal to keep thinking about the thought of having a baby in October?  Wishing with every bit of my soul that I was still pregnant?

I read "Heaven is for Real" this past weekend.  I loved the book and I think everyone should read it.  It touched my heart.  If you are not a believer when you read this book, by the time you finish it, you will be.  The vision of Jonathan playing and singing with other Angel Babies in Heaven makes me so happy.  I know Jonathan can see his Dad and knows what a wonderful person and father he is, not only on Father's Day, but everyday.

Happy Father's Day, Jack.  You are so loved.

Tank's first weekend home
We loved Jonathan from the beginning - We were parents from the start :)

1 comment:

  1. Heaven is for real is one of my favorite books! I have a baby in Heaven waiting for me too. Hang in there hun. I know I can't say anything to make you feel better, so I won't try. I'll just continue to pray for you and Jack.