Don't worry. You will have another baby soon.....

..... But I wanted this baby......

On our appointment, May 26th - our world was shaken.  After finding out that we were having a BOY, the news that followed wasn't as exciting.  Jack and I were called back to the exam room and Dr. Ribaudo came in to tell us some unfortunate news.  Our little precious boy, whom we had just seen on the big screen had some problems.  From what Dr. Ribaudo could see, internally and externally, our little one had numerous problems.  She wanted us to go see a specialist to see the extent of the problems.  The extent of the problems?  Is our little boy okay?  Is my pregnancy over?  Are the problems fixable?  We knew nothing.  We left the office through the back door in complete tears.  Our big day came to a STOP.  There was no shopping for bedding and lunch with Grammy after our appointment.  We went straight home.  Tears pouring and our hearts broken.  How come this had to happen to us?  What did we do wrong?

The next few days were miserable.  Waiting to see when we would get into see the specialist was torture.  We finally got word we would be able to see Dr. Blake in Tulsa on that following Wednesday, June 1st.  May 26th to June 1st were the longest 6 days of my entire life.  I wanted answers and I wanted them NOW.  We arrived to Dr. Blake's office that Wednesday with high hopes of a miracle.  We prayed and prayed that our baby boy could have been healed.  That he would be whole.  That he would look healthy.  Our biggest fears were confirmed at this appointment.  Our little guy just had too many problems.  Dr. Blake was surprised I had carried him this far - and she also said she would be surprised if I would carry him past 28 weeks and even then, he would probably be still-born.  Our little gift, our first boy, was going to have to be taken at 21 weeks.  There were just too many physical problems, on the inside and outside.  How come this had to happen to us?  What did we do wrong?

We went home again in tears.  Numb.  The pain - unexplainable.  Instead of having a baby boy in October, we were going to be having one in June - but in this case, we wouldn't be taking him home.....